First of all, props to you on beginning this journey and wanting to give your girlfriend what she wants. Being a Dom is hard work. Doms are the ones who need to learn all the skills required to execute impact, bondage, etc.

How to talk to your sub

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If you're looking to have a lovemaking experience that's a little less like The Notebook and a little more like Fifty Shades of Grey , then it might be time to experiment with BDSM. Whips and chains may excite you, but if you're new to the world of BDSM, you don't necessarily have to pull out the bondage gear right away. Verbally taking on dominant and submissive roles is a great way to create a power dynamic in the bedroom, and you and your partner may already be using BDSM dirty talk phrases without even realizing it.

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Pretty often I see people ask for ideas of things they could do with their submissive, and usually most of the responses they get are super dismissive.


This scenario may not actually be overlooked, it may be outright avoided as it is difficult for most new Dominants to perform this simple deed. The submissive genuinely desires to please her Dominant and requires his specific direction in doing so.

Oftentimes the submissive is pleasing her Dominant and doing everything precisely as he desires and he feels no need to ask anything of her. Throughout the scene she will become bemused with thoughts of how she could bring him more satisfaction or if she is pleasing him at all. Any one of these commands would work or all four of these commands given together would work even better.

Discussing this topic may seem elementary, however, accomplishing this simple task during play often proves more difficult for most.

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Many vanilla men are much too silent during sex. A submissive seeks explicit direction from her Dominant, the more explicit and direct the input the better. She will concentrate on her task at hand and will be afforded the confidence that when the time arrives when she should be moving onto the next task, her Dominant will command it of her without her needing to realize it on her own.

Men in general have difficulty verbalizing their desires during play. This insecurity is very real. When the Dominant gives a command to his submissive and in doing so can hear the fear in his own voice it destroys his self confidence.

Communicate your dominant desire

Many men have spent years cherishing their wife or ificant other and placing them high upon a pedestal elevating them to a princess like status. We have been programmed over the years, by society, of what equality is supposed to look like. This woman has become your tool to do with as you please for your own pleasure.

She is now your submissive, not your wife, and she derives pleasure from pleasing you and obeying your commands. This circle is composed of the submissive obtaining her pleasure by pleasuring her Dominant and the Dominant deriving his pleasure by pleasuring his submissive. This happens when both partners are truly selfless in the other partners pleasure. Like everything else, when learning something new start at the beginning and start small.

Review the entire scenario in your mind before the actual scene. Instead, think of the upcoming scene in a more macro, big picture, mindset.

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If you find it difficult or awkward speaking to your submissive with authority, practice. When you are alone actually say aloud, a few simple commands that you can use during play. If you are still at a loss, read the four commands from above. Read them aloud so that you can hear yourself making these commands for yourself. The more often you hear these types of commands coming from you and in your own voice, the more comfortable and natural this will become during play.

A convenient private time and place for Dominants to practice giving and hearing themselves command their desires is in the car while driving to and from work. When you are not confident in yourself you will naturally speak in a lower, weaker, voice. While you are practicing speaking out loud be sure to focus on how your voice actually sounds, speak with confidence.

The tone of your voice is important as well. You should use a professional businesslike tone and be sure to avoid any pretentious, condescending or degrading tone toward your submissive. You are in control because she has chosen to submit to you and accept your commands not because she is any less than you so do not treat her a such. When making commands be sure that they are clear and concise.

Avoid regular conversation scenarios that include full descriptive sentences including a lot of adjectives, simply exclaim what you want her to do. Avoid making commands in the form of questions. Follow through… State your command clearly one time and expect compliance. If your submissive does not comply with your command immediately, a swift smack on the ass may be in order. Remember, there is never going to be a one size fits all scenario so use your best judgment.

Your submissive may be in such a state that she wants to comply with your command but may be physically unable. Towards the end of a scene LK is usually in how to talk to your sub a state that she literally may not have control and functionality of her own body. If lk is noncompliant in a scenario such as this, I may just move on, or I may choose to physically move her into my desired position. Sometimes I may decide to back off the stimulation until she can once again how to talk to your sub with my commands on her own.

Begin with her hands… Many new submissives are unsure of what to do with their hands when their Dominants do not either physically restrain them or give them specific direction on what to do with them. This uncertainty will become a distraction for your submissive if you do not provide proper guidance.

The methodology positively builds a marriage and is never used to damage or weaken it, giving you all that edge without you or your marriage getting cut. SirJ and Star will Mr. Fox and Little Kaninchen in a conversation all things vaginal fisting. If you have ever been curious about or have questions or concerns regarding fisting this is the episode for you. Mr. Fox and lk as they discuss the relationship between Halloween and Dominance and submission. Nipple Play is the stimulation of the nipple during sexual activity.

As part of sexual activity, the practice may be self performed or performed upon by another. Nipples can be worshiped, decorated, clamped, electrified, sucked and pinched.

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The Formal Acceptance is the key to getting started to this dynamic. This act or ritual is the rite of passage that must happen between husband and wife before they can really begin to build the relationship. And then another reason we thought this might be great is that many times this dynamic Well, I would say 90 plus percent of the time, this dynamic is brought into a marriage by the wife.

On this podcast, we are going to answer:. What is a Formal Acceptance? How do you do the Formal Acceptance? The Power Exchange satisfies two very important needs that married couples require from one another. You must be logged in to post a comment. I agree. Her voice becomes softer, and her whole body language changes. I love this post so much, that I am going to read it to my husband. I am the one initiating this relationship.

I need to start slowly with him. These words say it perfectly. I have scoured the internet for some inkling of why our scenes sometimes result in frustration on her end and confusion on mine. This hit it on the head. Extremely enlightening. How to talk to your sub you! Just wanted to give this comment a big thumbs up. It is great that you have been reading the older posts. I dont rewrite the older topics in order to bring them to the surface. Some of the earlier posts contain some of the best information as they were written in real time during my own journey.

Thank you for this post and to the commentersit shed a new light on the missing ingredient in our play. I found the article via google, and ed just to thank you.

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I look forward to reading, and implementing, many more of your articles. Thanks again Andy. Fantastic advice Mr. My wife has being telling me for years that my confidence is the thing she finds most sexy about me. I agree completely that confidence is king.

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It can be challenging to become genuinely confident as a person. But it is something that pays huge dividends to many more things that are even outside of your personal dynamic. Pervertables Learn more. Please note: This action will also remove this member from your connections and send a report to the site admin.

Please allow a few minutes for this process to complete. Simple Dominant Commands The Dominant needs to command certain actions that he desires of his submissive. Silence During Sex is Deafening. Explicit not Implicit A submissive seeks explicit direction from her Dominant, the more explicit and direct the input the better. Dominant Confidence Men in general have difficulty verbalizing their desires during play.

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